Category Archives: humour

Inner City Maths Exam

[Found this humourous exam on the Internet a long time ago and I thought it was worth a re-post --James]
Inner-City High School Maths Proficiency Exam



1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he needs to reload?

2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of cocaine, assuming he doesn’t cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl need to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his half pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4×4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs and 3 4x4s, how many Chevys will he need to steal to make $800?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison, and how many more years will he get for killing the bitch who spent his money?

7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 3 feet square, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans?

8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

9. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per night. She gets $35 a month in welfare for each child. If her $325 per month rent goes up by 15%, and assuming there are 30 days in a month, how many more children should she have to keep up with her expenses?

10. Salvador was arrested for dealing crack. His bail was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping bail?


Check your answers before handing in your exam.

Fortune Cookies

I got a package of fortune cookies the other day and shared them with my family.  I always find the fortunes interesting.  Here’s what I got:

  • “You will touch the hearts of many” (2x) – Does this involve becoming a surgeon?
  • “You will be traveling and coming into a fortune” – I thought this one was sort of ironic, as I had just come upon a “fortune” when I opened the cookie.
  • “Your genuine talent will find its way to success”
  • “Others take notice of your radiance”
  • “An important business venture may soon develop for you”
  • “You’re interested in higher education whether material or spiritual”
  • “You will soon receive pleasant news of a personal nature”

Nothing really amazing or significant, but it’s always interesting to see what’s in them.  What interesting fortunes have you found inside fortune cookies?

National Procrastination Week

It’s National Procrastination Week this week.  I would have wrote about this a bit sooner, but I’ve been putting it off.  I think that, under the right circumstances, procrastination can be a good thing.  For most people nowadays, their to-do list, whether they actually write one out or not, is never-ending, and if someone were to abstain from enjoying themselves until they finished everything on their task list, they would never again have fun during their lives.  I think that the second week of March is a perfect time for National Procrastination Week as well.  There isn’t much to do outside, and it’s a lot nicer to kick back and relax inside and just enjoy yourself.

…Oh, wait, it’s the second week of April already?  Oops, I seem to have put this off for too long.

April Fools! There's an Election in Canada!

Is it just me, or are more and more companies getting into April Fool’s Day nowadays? Yesterday, Gmail announced “Gmail motion”, which would allow users to check their e-mail in the same manner as they play PlayStation Move. Reddit, after having previously introduced a “Reddit Gold” account option, announced a new option, “Reddit Mold”. The Huffington Post announced subscription-only access, but for New York Times employees only. Kodak announced the introduction of “photo diapers”, and Ikea announced a new product, the Hundstol “dog highchair” (my dog would love that!). I could go on and on and on.

One group that seems to be missing from the flood of April Fool’s jokes are Canada’s political parties. With that in mind, I’ve created some of my own for them (one day late, sorry, but they kept me waiting):

  • Conservative Leader Stephen Harper, who has been looking for star candidates to run in various Toronto ridings, announced that Julian Assange would be running in Toronto Centre. Harper brokered a secret deal with Sweden to have all charges against Assange dropped (the details of this arrangement have not yet been leaked, er, released).
  • Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff announced yesterday that his party would be seeking better foreign relations with Russia, through pushing for the restoration of the Russian Empire. Ignatieff’s family, who would be nobility under the Russian Empire, would cultivate improved relationships with Canada. Ignatieff would also push for the return of Alaska from the United States to Russia.
  • NDP leader Jack Layton announced yesterday that, in order for the colour spectrum to align with the political spectrum in Canada, and because his party is to the left of the Liberal party, he would be changing the party’s colour from orange to infrared. You can expect to see infrared lawn signs, TV commercials, and the like starting next week.
  • Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe announced yesterday that his party, instead of only running candidates in Quebec as it has done up until now, would be running candidates in all ten provinces and three territories. The candidates outside of Quebec would run on a different platform than those in Quebec. Instead of promoting Quebec separating from Canada, they would be promoting the other nine provinces and three territories separating together from Canada.
  • Green party leader Elizabeth May announced that she would, in fact, be on a nationally televised debate this year, due to a CTV network insider who is a Green supporter. That same insider has also excluded Stephen Harper, Michael Ignatieff, Jack Layton, and Gilles Duceppe from the debate. You can see the debate on CTV April 18th at 7:00. One thing that the news release didn’t mention is that it’s 7:00 am, Newfoundland time.